Well it turned out that a weekend in Glastonbury was just what I needed to recharge my batteries and prepare for Daisy's impending surgery.  I had spent the best part of a year trying not to look forward to it incase it didn't happen so couldn't actually believe it when I did get there.  There is certainly something magical about that part of Somerset and it worked it's spell on me, I left my watch at home, switched my mobile off and moved to Glastonbury time.  Those in the know, know that Glasto is more than just the headline bands and my best memories are just of chilling listening to some amazing music and eating some lovely food (and partaking in one or two somerset ciders!).  We were blessed with the weather and the extra money I paid to camp in a location with decent loos and showers reaped dividends.  All in all it was a wonderful opportunity to just pull myself together again, relax and unwind.  I got to spend some precious mum and daughter time with Xanthe too which was a real bonus.  I just can't wait to go to Glasto again next year, it's cast a spell on me... (and I can't wait to thank the nurse on Rainforest ward who told me over a year ago that I should apply for tickets as I would love it).

So since Glastonbury my time has been filled getting ready for Daisy's impending ileostomy surgery...sorting out a complex childcare spreadsheet for the summer has been the main challenge.  It is not easy making sure that children of different ages and different genders all get to have a fun time while their parents are either in hospital or working.  I have evolved my plans on the assumption that nothing will go according to plan and Daisy will do another long term stay, it does seem to involve Andy or I spending a lot of time driving down motorways dropping various offspring at various relatives/holiday camps at different times in the summer  - just hope they appreciate how much planning has gone into them having fun!

I have also been getting everything ready for Xanthe's big transition to High School.  When Theo went up to his high school little did we know that a few weeks in Daisy would go into hospital and not come out again nearly 12 months later.  This time I want to be better prepared as it really impacted him.  Now instead of after school clubs we have a lovely after school carer who comes to the house and can turn her hand to looking after Daisy or one of the other children if needed. I have also made sure that Xanthe's new school is aware of the situation so that if things get stressful at home they are aware of it.  Having a child like Daisy has a ripple effect on the entire family, we plod along then suddenly something happens like a tube being pulled out, a line infection, a UTI and lives get turned upside down,  We all become used to this rollercoaster but over the years I have realised that we have to put some safety nets in place and not assume that we will all be able to ride the storm.

I have a realisation today also that when you have a child with a complex medical disability you become disabled as a parent/carer - or differently abled.  I have to create a new persona and take away a bit of me in order to operate in this world of disability.  I am now Daisy's mum, or just "mum" as the doctors and nurses call me (not all of them, but enough for it to jar).  I have to be nice to people in order to get things for my daughter, I have to deal with people who I don't necessarily like, I have to be diplomatic and swallow my tongue, I have to know my place.  The other day our community nurse dropped around some medicine syringes for Daisy, it was only that evening when I was drawing them all up I discovered that one of the syringes she had dropped off was the wrong type to connect to Daisy's jej tube.  I was planning to visit a friend who was in our local hospital with her daughter that day so drove up and asked a nurse if I could have some syringes - two were produced together with a telling off that I shouldn't get them from the ward but should be getting them from the community nurses.  It was only afterwards when I mulled over this I realised the situation I was in, here I was a highly educated woman who had once had a successful career, now trained to care for an TPN dependent, medically complex child, having to beg for syringes and being told off for asking the wrong person....This is the situation many of my hospital friends find themselves in - we are expected to do so much for our child but we are so isolated - I am friends with the nurses on a superficial level but I am not a nurse, I can talk to the doctors about Daisy, but I am not a doctor, I can work with social workers, occupational therapists, speech therapists and all the multitude of people who seem to have a say in my child's life but the power is with them.  I am dis-abled because I have had to become a different person in order to get my child what she needs.  So next time, please give me the sodding syringes, in fact give me ones that fit her tube so that when at the end of the long day I am drawing up one of the 20 odd meds she needs during the day I have the equipment at hand I need to do the job I need to do.....

So now as I type it is the night before the hospital admission. Tomorrow Daisy goes back onto Rainforest.  I phoned twice today to check the bed is available and so far so good although I have not packed at this point (I am an expert hospital packer now so not too worried about doing it at short notice). Tomorrow we should be talking to the surgeons, anaesthetist and pain team in anticipation of the surgery on Friday.  Daisy's pain med which had lulled us into a false sense of security a week ago has stopped working so Andy and I know that this is the only route to go down to hopefullly alleviate the night time pain Daisy experiences.  Our wonderful palliative care team at Chase have visited and there is a plan post op so now the only thing left is for us to get to the hospital and for Daisy to have her surgery.  I hope and pray it will make a difference, I am realistic enough to know that things will probably get worse but maybe we will turn the corner over time and not regret our decision....

1 comment:

Rosie lowry said...

Dear Stephanie, you know what.... life is just a .....
I have just read your last blog and really feel for you and your husband and family. What is happening to Daisy simply should NOT happen to any little person. But to have to bang against a wall all the time to get help , compassion and understanding , well perhaps I shouldn't say what I really feel here.
I am thinking of you all.

Rosie.

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